Postpartum Planning with Monique, Postpartum Doula and Co-Founder of Maia Mothers Collective
Today we chat with Monique, Postpartum Doula and co-founder of Maia Mothers Collective in Brisbane, QLD. Monique walks us through a postpartum planning exercise including a bunch of practical, helpful tricks to help us to feel nurtured, empowered and solid in our postpartum experience.
We chat about:
- Our own postpartum experiences and the impact of lack of boundaries
- How to navigate tricky situations like guests staying too long
- How to have hard conversations and hold boundaries
- Confinement periods in postpartum and what this can look like
- Helping your partner and your village to help you
- Utilising your village - meal trains, housework etc
There's so much gold in this episode - feel free to share with anyone in your life expecting a baby!
Monique has today launched her incredible new online course (in which I feature as the sleep expert!) Postpartum Embodied. You can check it out here: https://www.maiamothers.com.au/postpartumembodiedcourse
Use code MAMAMATTERS for 5% off!
Hey Mama, I have a Sleep Guide for you! For birth to 18 months, this guide is steeped in evidence and laced with compassion. And you can download the first chapter absolutely free HERE.
Are we Insta pals? If not, why not? Come and hang out at @mamamatters.au!
As always, thanks for being here- if you enjoy this poddy I would LOVE if you could give a rating and a review. It means the world to me. xx
TRANSCRIPT
Fiona Weaver: [00:00:00] Hello, my loves. I hope you are well. I am coming to you with a chat with Monique, a postpartum doula, and a co-founder of Maya Mothers Collective in Brisbane. This was such a great chat, not just for me because of where I am at in my pregnancy and thinking about my postpartum experience this time, but it was also really helpful to debrief on, um, Previous postpartum experiences and thinking about how we can do things differently.
Fiona Weaver: Monique walks us through [00:00:30] a really practical way to think about what we want postpartum to look like. She essentially takes us through a postpartum planning session, what we need to chat with our partners about, um, how we can build our own village and set ourselves up to have, you know, boundaries that work for us and things like that.
Fiona Weaver: So it is a really wonderful chat. I know that you are going to get so much out of it if you are expecting, and please feel free to send it to anybody else who is having a baby in the near future as well. Enjoy. Good [00:01:00] morning, Monique. Thank you so much for joining me today. I'm so grateful for your time again, because we are re-recording today after we had a little technical glitch the other day.
Fiona Weaver: So I, I wanna say thank you for giving me another hour of your.
Monique: That's so fine. I'm excited to be here again and we can have another little chat. Yeah.
Fiona Weaver: Maybe with less gas bagging this time. So you are a postpartum doula among other things, like the [00:01:30] co-founder of Maya Mothers Collective in Brisbane. But can you introduce yourself and let us know who's in your family and how you came to do this?
Monique: Yeah, for sure. So I am a mama of a little boy, um, who's two and two months. I'm currently pregnant, uh, with my second B, very close to uv, and I have a husband, Ryan. We've been together for. Two decades, which is why, and yeah, live in Brisbane. [00:02:00] Um, founded, uh, alongside my business partner, my mother's collective, 18 months ago.
Monique: So we're a women's health clinic here in Brisbane. We do offer telehealth though, and we have about nine different modalities. So we support the woman through preconception, pregnancy and postpartum. And I didn't always do this work. I was actually in the beauty industry for many years and then I kind of had my own health challenges, uh, for many, many years, which kind of led me into the world of like holistic health.
Monique: So [00:02:30] after I had. Archie, I obviously, when you have a baby, your world's turned upside down and your priorities shift. And I guess, yeah, the whole trajectory of what I wanted to do changed and rewind. You know, back 18 months ago, he was five months old and we opened the clinic and it was a wild time, but here we are.
Monique: So I truly don't think I. Yeah, opened the clinic and um, become a postpartum dual. Like if I didn't go through all my own health challenges, it's sort of what got me to [00:03:00] where I am. So kinda grateful for that. Yeah.
Fiona Weaver: Amazing. I cannot believe you opened a whole clinic when your baby was five months old, because Emma was in the same season as well.
Fiona Weaver: Wasn't she
Monique: your co-founder? Yeah, so she was a month. Um, her little girl was four weeks behind, so yeah. Wow. It sort of was about it, it happened all very quick and lots of voice messaging and um, to kind of cr yeah, get it up and running. And it all just sort of happened for us to be honest. I feel [00:03:30] like there was not really many hiccups getting it up and running.
Monique: So we're like, oh, this is obviously meant to be. So is there,
Fiona Weaver: is there a way that you make sense of that from your postpartum doula perspective, that sort of, um, drive and ener energy shift postpartum? Like is there something in.
Monique: Yeah, I think I realized how much support mothers need after their baby arrives because obviously I'd just gone through it and I didn't prepare as well as I am going to be preparing [00:04:00] this time.
Monique: Um, but yeah, I think. Emma and I were both just having this conversation of like, oh my goodness. Like there's not, we, you need all of these people. Like you need your, like your village after you have a baby. And you know, I was go, you know, I was seeing a chiro and things like that, but they were all sort of spread out.
Monique: Mm. And the thought of having like a one stop shop to support the mother, you know, Through everything from infertility to, yeah. Preconception, pregnancy, postpartum, um, with really beautiful offerings like acupuncture, pathy, and [00:04:30] just having, you know, these experts on the one place we were like, there's nothing else like it.
Monique: Mm-hmm. Um, and we felt like it was really needed. So that's sort of, yeah. How it was birthed, I guess.
Fiona Weaver: Yeah. Right. So when you speak about your health challenges, do you want to, um, share anything about that? Cause I know that it's quite interesting the way that you did fall pregnant in the end. Yeah. And I think kinda it
Monique: writes part of your story.
Monique: Yeah. Um, so I was working in, I guess the industry where I was [00:05:00] very burnt out managing staff. Um, and I actually didn't have a period for a really long time. Um, I was quite underweight and yeah, didn't have a, a cycle for nine years. I had lots of gut issues going on as well. So after my husband and I got married, I really wanted to fall pregnant.
Monique: When you don't have a period, you can't even like start trying, you know, what did the, what did any
Fiona Weaver: doctors or health professionals say about you not having a cycle for that long?
Monique: So it was, [00:05:30] it's like, I guess the title is Defined Hypothe. Amen. Which is an absolute Tom twister, but it's. It's kind of like they say it could be caused by many different factors.
Monique: So low body weight, it can be caused by stress, like high cortisol. I did do like a Dutch test, which is like, you know, the Rolls Royce of hormonal tests and my cortisol was through the roof. So when your cortisol's really high, your progesterone and all the other hormones. Can be quite low, which in my case was, so I didn't even have any [00:06:00] endometrial lining to be able to, even if I wanted to go down the IVF route, I didn't have any lining.
Monique: So I would've had to been on a lot of medication and I wanted to, I knew that there was a root cause as to why this was happening, so I really wanted to get to that. It took me many, many years of, um, Fixing my gut. So I had leaky gut sibo, I found out I was Celiac. Um, but it was, yeah, it was hard because I sort of started out more down, I guess, the medical route.
Monique: And then after I didn't get any help from anyone and just got told to go back on the pill to get [00:06:30] a, you know, synthetic cycle, I then, You know, founded like a naturopath and sort of started that. Um, but yeah, it does when you're, when you've been in that cycle for so long, it's not like you're gonna get fixed in a week.
Monique: So you have to be patient and, yeah. Had to do many tests and spend a lot of money. How long did it take for you to
Fiona Weaver: get a cycle back after you found out that you were celiac?
Monique: Among those other, after the CEL thing, it was about a year, so it wasn't actually too, I found that out really like late in my, [00:07:00] I guess, health journey.
Monique: But I was actually avoiding gluten anyway because I knew it. It didn't sit right, but I was still getting traces I think, cuz I wasn't, I didn't have that whole diagnosis. Yeah, Celiac's pretty cut and dry.
Fiona Weaver: Hey, like you just can't, yeah.
Monique: Things like sources and stuff that you wouldn't even think of. Um. Yeah, like it's in May and eight, it's in heaps of things, so, yeah.
Monique: Yeah, after that, and then I really helped to rebuild my gut lining. Um, I think SIBO back then as well, like no one knew what SIBO was, which now it's like a lot of people have it and [00:07:30] they're getting diagnosed, so it's a lot more well known. And like Leaky Gut, I don't know what it's. Oh, so it's, um, small, um, intestinal bacterial overgrowth.
Monique: So it's where you have too much, um, bacteria in your small intestine when it's not, that's not supposed to be there. So sure it can cause heaps of issues. Um, and I had like low, like stomach acid, so I wasn't breaking down my food. And because I was so stressed in this high cortisol, like I wasn't actually digesting my food properly.
Monique: Yeah, there was so much to it. But once I, um, Got onto like [00:08:00] some really good supplements, a great food plan. Um, yeah, I ended up getting my period back, which was the best day life back then. Luckily, obviously having a baby then, you know, trumps that. But I was so happy because I, you know, it can be quite isolating when all of your friends are going through, you know, like their, like ups and downs of their hormones and you just kind of feel like a little girl.
Monique: Cause you're like, oh, I don't have. I don't know. When I'm ovulating, I don't like, well I wasn't ovulating, but, mm. Yeah, your mood just sort of doesn't [00:08:30] change. Um, yeah. And so now I really like honor that, um, I did a lot of cycle sinking and yeah, I got my period back. I think we spoke about this in the last one, four months after she was born, which I was very surprised about.
Monique: But I think, and pregnancy definitely rejigged all of that for me, which was really good. And then we felt pregnant easily second time around as well. So yeah. Super blessed.
Fiona Weaver: Yeah. Yeah. You, you mentioned that you felt like there wasn't enough support for your postpartum experience the first time, and this time you're gonna be doing a lot more [00:09:00] planning and doing things differently.
Fiona Weaver: Yeah. So what is that going to look like for you?
Monique: Yeah, so I think first time round I planned a lot for the birth. Like I really researched, um, you know, my rights and what I wanted my birth to look like, had planned all of that. And then I sort of, in terms of when the baby arrived, I, I focused more on like all of the things I thought I would need, like the material things, you know, had the baby registry and, um, I didn't really think about, you know, what boundaries am I gonna put in place with family and friends.
Monique: I didn't even think to have a [00:09:30] conversation with my husband about what it's kind of gonna, you know, like you speak about baby names and all those things, but you don't actually think about the logistics. Mm. In the most little things, like who's gonna be taking the bin out? Who's gonna be looking after getting the groceries if we need more toilet paper?
Monique: Like such little things that can actually cause you know, when you are sleep deprived issues. Mm-hmm. Um, and I really thought that, you know, breastfeeding would come easily. I didn't really do any breastfeeding kind of, I guess research or [00:10:00] planning, um, because I thought, oh, you know, it'll be natural. But Archie had a tongue tie.
Monique: The first few weeks were really hard because it was every time he'd latch it would like be most intense pain. Like, I'm like, no, this is not right. Like it, it was like this stinging pain throughout my whole nipple. Not just like, it was more on top of my nipple, like he wasn't latching fully. Hmm. Um, but I just kept persisting, you know, the bleeding crack nipples.
Monique: Um, And yeah, just didn't have any boundaries in place. We had [00:10:30] visitors at the hospital like day two we spoke about last time, and I was in tears because I'm like, I don't, I don't want anyone in my space. I just wanna be with my baby. I wanna learn how to breastfeed. And yeah, this time around I'll be doing a lot more, I guess, to focus on myself and what I need because we.
Monique: All the baby needs is like a nourished mother, right? It's like we focus so much on the baby, but if we can focus more on the mother, if we can shift that mentality and make sure that she's really well-nourished and nurtured that baby will thrive. [00:11:00] Mm-hmm. Um, they don't need all the things. They need a warm space.
Monique: They need to be fed. Often held often, you'd, you'd know Yeah. All
Fiona Weaver: things. But it's so hard to know the first time around how you are going to, like, how your mind. Immediately, like leading up to the birth. I thought I was so chill. I'd have everyone come up to the hospital like, yeah, you're fine. Come up for a cuddle.
Fiona Weaver: Just really naive, but um, Then I, I think I [00:11:30] told you this story last time as well, but with my first born, I had the retained placenta afterwards, so we had a lovely birth, and then my placenta got stuck and I needed to be separated from him and going to surgery. In that time that I was in surgery, my, my mom came, which was fine.
Fiona Weaver: My mother-in-law, father-in-law, brother-in-law, sister-in-law, friends times two, my husband's nan and granddad, all came in into the birth suite. And pass the baby around. Yeah, [00:12:00] and they were all there while he had his first needle, his first way, his first change of clothes, all of that. I was in surgery and then I came back to maternity ward.
Fiona Weaver: They were supposed to take me back to birth suite and. I was stuck there, couldn't move my legs because they'd given me an epidural or a spinal block or something to get the placenta out, and I couldn't contact anyone. And I was like, I don't know where my baby is. And everyone else has just been passing him [00:12:30] around.
Fiona Weaver: And I just felt really sad and scared and resentful about that, but I wasn't to know that before I was in that situation. So I think. I think there's some like, you know, support like yours, having a doula to say, I know you might think this now that you might like everyone around you, but this is what might happen.
Fiona Weaver: This is what the shift could look like and this is how
Monique: we protect you. Yeah, I think I definitely felt when I had those, you know, visitors in the corridor, um, downstairs, I definitely felt like [00:13:00] selfish for not, I'm like, you know, it's, they, they just wanna meet the baby. They just wanna hold the baby. And you kind of feel like this selfishness.
Monique: But looking back now, I'm like, no. That is such an integral time to have like the skin to skin and to get to, you know, your baby's learning, you know, your natural pheromones and your smell and um, yeah, I think you don't know what you don't know at the time, but that's why I'm so passionate. Yeah. I. You know, um, Being a postpartum doula.
Monique: And then this course that I've launched, which we'll talk about later, but trying to, um, get, you know, I [00:13:30] guess women to understand the importance of not just planning for your birth, um, but planning, because birth's just the starting point, right? It's not the finish line. And I think that's the mentality of a lot of people.
Monique: They're like, yep, great. I'll just get through the birth and then we'll just wing the rest. We'll be fine. Getting into that mentality of, um, yeah, having a postpartum planning session doing, you know, a course like my mine to really get educated on the things that are important because, you know, at the end of the day, what you have, what baby carry you have, all that stuff is so not important.
Monique: Um, [00:14:00] you that suffer from postpartum depression, you know? Um, yeah. Which know affects so many women and some men. So yeah, I think just trying to shift the focus and actually put up a post on our page the other day. Crazy. Everyone was like agreeing with it. It was, you know, um, it was like, this is how much it would cost for a postpartum preparation course.
Monique: And then we spend, you know, $400 on a fancy dinner and drinks on a night out. We spend $1,200 on a baby moon and 40 grand on our wedding. And it's like [00:14:30] this couple hundred dollars to plan your postpartum, you know, with an ex like expert. Um, Is just so invaluable. Like, but you, I think people just do not realize until they've been through it.
Monique: Um, that's, but that's my, like, you know, I'm so passionate about trying to change that narrative and Yeah. Help women prepare before. Yeah.
Fiona Weaver: I hear you. So what would apl Yeah. A postpartum planning session involve, what would that look like?
Monique: Yeah, so I think lots of questions. So, um, and this is like [00:15:00] in my course, I've got like a little bit of a journal, um, that you can sit down with like question prompts, um, that you can, you know, sit down and do on your own or with your partner.
Monique: But, you know, questions like getting your systems and supports in place. So who do you feel safest around asking yourself? Who do I want there in those really early days? Because if someone triggers you, you know, during your pregnancy or pry, they're probably gonna trigger you. During your postpartum when you're feeling really, you know, vulnerable and sleep deprived.
Monique: So think about, you know, who do you want in [00:15:30] your space post-birth? Um, also thinking about how you can protect your oxytocin because we know, you know, oxytocin is the love hormone. They're call it like the cuddle chemical. It's responsible for, you know, bonding with your baby. Um, Helping, you know, with breastfeeding, it also helps you, um, become okay with really like anonymous, boring tasks, which, you know, the newborn stage can be quite repetitive.
Monique: You're doing the same thing day in, day out. So oxytocin helps with that. And, um, [00:16:00] you know, if you are stressed, you know, if you're stressed, your oxytocin goes down. So how, you know, writing things down like. What really makes me feel like, like peace and joy and calm and grounded. So, you know, did track, does, you know, does tracking things make you feel really anxious?
Monique: Like, you know, would a baby tracking up or like their sleep and things like that, would that make you feel, you know, more anxious than, than joyful? No. Does taking a nice warm bath make you feel joyful? Like there's so many things that you [00:16:30] can kind of go, okay, I know this is gonna make me feel irritated or anxious.
Monique: Um, And these are the things that I know will help me feel grounded. You know, is it, I know for me if there's mess and, and things around it can make me feel really anxious. So having potentially, um, you know, investing in a cleaner fortnightly, or if, you know, there are people that wanna help, you know, mother and mother-in-laws and things like saying, yeah, well, can you come around and help me, you know, with the house or having, having those conversations with your partner.
Monique: Um, I think also thinking about, you know, [00:17:00] who will you turn to for support if things don't go to plan? Um, who can help you if you have other, other children who can help you walk the dog. Like all the little tasks that you're not sure how they're gonna get done once baby arrives. Mm. Um, and we spoke about the last podcast, like having a list on your fridge is a really great way.
Monique: When people do come over and say, how can I help you? What do you need? Just so you can get them to refer to the, the list on the fridge. Like, these are the things. Bottom my mind.
Fiona Weaver: Yeah. And that, that also externalizes for somebody who does have [00:17:30] difficulty asking for or accepting help. Like there's such a big shift in, in motherhood where you, if you are a people pleaser, a good girl, all of that social and cultural conditioning that follows us through life, it can be really hard to suddenly, um, have boundaries and to be able to assert our own needs.
Fiona Weaver: So having things like that, that take that, that, that middle, it's like the middle man, isn't it? Like, yeah, exactly. Have a look at the fridge, rather than me saying, can you please do my washing [00:18:00] for me? Cuz if that feels really uncomfortable, that's a safer way of
Monique: approaching that. And I think then it gives them the opportunity to choose something that suits your relationship with them, you know?
Monique: Yeah. Yeah. Like if you need to have more maternity pads, like your Uncle Bob might not be the one that's gonna do that, but he then he might, he might wash your, you know, he might put a load of washing on or, yeah, it's, yeah. Puts a ball in their court. Um, and then also having like your health professionals that you may or may not need in check prior, so, Things that you might need, you know, you might need a Clara for your baby if your [00:18:30] birth is, you know, like mine over 24 hours.
Monique: Uh, she was in like a, you know, a bit of a squished position for a while, so I sort of had that lined up, which I was so grateful for. I took him two weeks after and he, he did need it. Having, um, a lactation consultant, which I did not have. And I, that was my biggest regret, um, having, you know, a lactation consultant in check just in case you need it.
Monique: Um, you know, if you aren't happy with your gp, like it's a really great time to try to find another, you know, GP while you're pregnant that you get on really well [00:19:00] with. And. You can use post-birth, um, thinking like, you know, how can I make sure I'm really well-nourished and well fed because I, we know you get very hungry, breastfeeding, and food is life once baby arrives.
Monique: So, you know, can I have a friend set me up a meal train? Um, can I do some food prep before baby arrives? So planning that out. Um, And then also like, how can my partner make me feel rested and recharged? So having those conversations with them prior, what, what are they [00:19:30] gonna take over? You know, how long are they gonna have off work if they can only have a week or two weeks off?
Monique: Well, you know, what support can you call upon after that time? So it's, it's, postpartum planning is really just about, and it looks different for everyone, but asking these questions and getting clear. So you're going into it with like, okay, I've got a plan in place and my like closest loved ones know about this plan.
Monique: So, yeah. Yeah.
Fiona Weaver: And we talked a little bit about boundaries last time. Can we touch on that and what those boundaries in postpartum might look [00:20:00] like?
Monique: Yeah, so boundaries can be, you know, pretty hard, especially first time round. I think as a society where, you know, we're not like used to asking for help and some people due to, you know, like childhood beliefs or things that, you know, they've gone through, they, they really struggle and they just wanna.
Monique: Have it all together, quote unquote. But when you become a mother, I think, yeah, there really is no room for people pleasing and you do have to choose what's right for you and your family. So a few ideas. My, probably my [00:20:30] first one would be before baby arrives to send out a group text message. So to, to the people that you know are gonna be like, when's the baby coming?
Monique: Has the baby arrived yet? Like, you know, close friends. What room are you in at the hospital? Yes. Can I call
Fiona Weaver: when you
Monique: have had the baby? Um, so sending out a group message so that could look like, uh, you know, as we excitingly approach, you know, the arrival of our baby, we've decided to let you know, um, once baby has arrived here in this group.
Monique: Message [00:21:00] that, um, so, sorry, I'm at the clinic. I don't know if you can hear. There's a bub out in the foyer. Oh no, I can't hear you. Yeah, that's ok. It's real life coming for a, um, appointment with Emma. Oh. Um, So, yeah. You know, saying, you know, we're really excited for the baby to arrive, but we're gonna let you know here in this group message when the baby has arrived in our own time.
Monique: Um, you know, as you can imagine in those first couple of weeks, um, just say it's me, Mon will be recovering, you know, physically learning to feed a new human. And together we'll be [00:21:30] discovering, you know, What this little baby's like. So we will let you know when we are ready for the visit. Mm-hmm. Um, and then you can put some requests in the message, you know, um, on your first visit, we'd just really like to ask if you could stay no longer than 45 minutes.
Monique: Um, please don't wear any perfume if that's something that you don't want 'em to do. Also, if you're feeling the slightest bit unwell, please reschedule. You know, can always find another time. Cause it's not worth the risk of having someone come into your space that's even got a mild copy, you know? No, with a new newborn.
Monique: Um, and, you know, if you would like to [00:22:00] help in any way, we have set up a meal train. Here's the link. Um, this is like mom's request you would really love. Um, we don't want flowers, we don't need any more onesies with, you know, love food. So if you do wanna help, here's the link. You know, and we really. We really appreciate your support with us bringing in a baby into the new that, into the world.
Monique: So message I
Fiona Weaver: love, I love, I love getting ahead on it all and laying it out, but I also love the idea that you're putting it into a group so nobody feels
Monique: attacked. Exactly. It's not like you [00:22:30] Yeah. Saying it to one person. It's, this is like, you know, even your mom and your like cousins, so they all feel Yeah.
Monique: If, if you do worry about them. Yeah, because everyone's family dynamics are so different, you know? Yeah. Um, another little tip would be to have a sign on the door, so, I know in the Village for Mama Recipe book, which is incredible, she has like a sign that you can pop. You can either, it's like it's back to front.
Monique: So one side says, thank you so much, [00:23:00] um, for your meal delivery today. Um, cuz it is based on them dropping you off meal. She has like recipe cards you can hand out. Um, we are not for visitors today. Um, and then the other side says, yep, we're like, happy to see you today, please. Text us or knock quietly. So having those boundaries, so you know, if you have any neighbors or people that you know may aren't expecting, they drop in, you can have that sign on the door so they can leave whatever they've brought over at the door.
Monique: Um, and then another one we spoke about [00:23:30] as well, um, fee was the code word, which I love recently. Yeah, having a code word with your husband, so that could be something really random, like oranges and you could sort of say, Hey babe, did you pick up the oranges on the way home from work? Um, so that he knows, okay, yep, she's done, she's tapped out.
Monique: She doesn't want these visitors here anymore. Or it could be, you know, um, It could be something like, I'm just gonna go have a little lay down in the room. And then he could, you know, he or she could be like, yeah, cool, she's, she's done. So [00:24:00] I think the important thing is to have your partner be your gatekeeper.
Monique: It's not your responsibility when you are feeding and feeling, you know, vulnerable to have to ask guests to leave. So having that conversation prior so that they can really step up and check in with your energy as well. Yeah, it's easier for people to get taken away, like taken away in conversation and get excited, um, when they're friends or family are meeting the above.
Monique: But, um, I
Fiona Weaver: think, I think [00:24:30] they're, they're just a few little
Monique: logical
Fiona Weaver: tips. You're good though. All those little practical little tips and tricks are so helpful. Like the lists on the fridge and having the code word with your partner, they're all really helpful when you just don't have the brain space to have hard conversations when you are
Monique: early post part.
Monique: A hundred percent. And like, if you're anything like me, I can be a bit of, you know, I'm an empath and I do, I don't like the, you know, I don't like hanging on anyone's feelings. So yeah, I'll be a lot better at this time round. But first time round I really struggled. Um, [00:25:00] and I cried so many times, like locked myself in the room when people were over to feed because I just didn't, my, you know, I didn't, yeah, Archie was a bit of a distracted feeder as well, so I just didn't, I just didn't have the capacity to be like, Hey guys, can you please leave?
Monique: I'm tapped out. Mm.
Fiona Weaver: Yeah, I totally hear you. What will you be doing differently this time specifically? Like what, what plan do
Monique: you have? Yep. So I'm actually having a home birth this time, um, with [00:25:30] a private midwife. So I'm really excited to have that time post-birth with her. So, We, you know, when I birthed Archie at the hospital, we get like the one foot visit at the hospital, whereas this time round I'll be getting, the first six weeks she'll be coming to my house, which I'm really excited about.
Monique: She's also a, an a lactation consultant and she's the one actually I found her cuz she helped me with Archie first time round and picked up on his tongue tight. So I already have that like, you know, close relationship with her. So hopefully, [00:26:00] you know, that will feel, I feel a lot more supported. After birth with feeding and things cuz you just don't know.
Monique: Every baby's so different. Um, with breastfeeding, um, I'm gonna be having a mother's blessing this time around as opposed to, I guess like a baby shower with a registry. Um, and I'm not gonna be asking for gifts or anything like that. It's more just a way to, I guess, yeah, gather my village and let them know if they wanna help.
Monique: Here's some recipe cards. Here's a meal train that my friend's setting up And yeah, I think just. [00:26:30] I think it'll be a lot more, um, it'll be a lot different to a baby shower. Um, I think that we're gonna add a few rituals and things like that, which will be really beautiful. Um, and then I'm gonna try to commit to, um, Lack a bit of a confinement period.
Monique: So we know Western culture does it so differently compared to all other places around the world. Um, but you know, the first, we know that the first 40 days can set you up for the next 40 years of your life and you have a wound the size of the dinner plate inside you. So rest is so important. [00:27:00] Um, and I, I did find, I dunno about you fee, but.
Monique: When I, after I had Archie, if I was kind of horizontal and resting and laying down all day, my bleeding would be a lot better. And I just feel, I just feel so much better. But when I was up and about, I'm like, oh, I feel good today. I might do some cooking or do some stuff. I just would notice my bleeding would be a lot heavier and I just, a lot more pain down there.
Monique: So I'm gonna try to commit to 20 days. Um, Not going anywhere. So resting as much as I can [00:27:30] laying in bed. I'm really lucky. My husband's got a month off work so he can be on toddler duty and I'll definitely still go outside and get sunlight and, and those things, but I won't, I'm gonna try for 20 days to not, you know, go on any long car rides or yeah, just sort of be at home and rest and stay as ho, like horizontal as much as.
Monique: Yeah. Um, and then I am, yeah, setting up a meal train and I've already prepped a whole lot of meals that I've popped in the freezer, which it's really [00:28:00] hard not to eat them. What have you made? I need
Fiona Weaver: some inspiration.
Monique: I'm actually gonna film a little video on, on everything I have to send it through, but I made, um, it's more the sweet stuff that I'm just tempted to eat now.
Monique: I made like conge, I've made, um, some laxer, just really warming, easy to digest. Mm-hmm. Slow cooked food. Made some, I also made some sausage rolls, actually. Um, I love sausage
Fiona Weaver: rolls for a one-handed snack.
Monique: You fruit. Yeah. Yeah. And if you [00:28:30] feel like that's savory. Yeah, they're delicious actually. The village from, they've got their pork and fennel ones on or their next level.
Fiona Weaver: I remember with my first, somebody dropped me off, um, like. A dozen muffins, and I still talk about it to this day, how much that just impacted me. I'm like, those muffins were amazing because I would have them by the bed and I would breastfeed at nighttime and get really hungry and just have a muffin. And I just, I loved them.
Fiona Weaver: Like, I just couldn't believe how impactful a dozen muffins could be on my postpartum experience. [00:29:00] Wow.
Monique: Hundred percent. I love hearing that cause Yeah. And I know that, you know, mothers don't realize until they've been through it themselves, but like how much more do you appreciate that than a bunch of flowers?
Monique: Oh my God, I hated
Fiona Weaver: the flowers. I appreciate everybody who got me flowers, but I had like six or seven flowers lined up, getting smelly, making mess, and then I had to clean them up. I don't want this
Monique: job. And you gotta, and then thees get all crappy in them. Yeah. And you've gotta. There's flower bits everywhere.
Monique: Yeah, I like
Fiona Weaver: it. Makes my husband sneeze and I ha hate [00:29:30] listening to him. Sneeze and sniff all the time.
Monique: Everyone know if they listen to his episode. Not to get you flowers
Fiona Weaver: in my message, please. No flowers. Ross is allergic. Yes. I can't have that.
Monique: Yeah, and I think like food is life and it's so, oh, it's everything.
Monique: It's just such a beautiful, like, you know, to think that someone's actually spent the time to make you the food and to like package it and drop it off, I don't know. I think it's, and
Fiona Weaver: to not enjoy it themselves. I, I totally agree. My friend [00:30:00] with, when I had Zli my second, dropped me off like a whole bag. Um, lasagna portions in frozen.
Fiona Weaver: Oh. You know, in frozen portions. And it was just the best thing ever. I had a lasagna every day for the first two weeks, I reckon. Yeah. And I know how I love lasagna, but I hate making it, it just feels hard. Yeah. Like it feels like a big mission. Yeah. And she did that for me and didn't even get to keep it.
Fiona Weaver: Yeah,
Monique: I know. It's like, yep. Just feels [00:30:30] you feel very loved. Um, Yeah. Yeah. I'm trying to make a fair bit of food as well so that it lasts a month. But then, yeah, I'm so welcome to people if they wanna drop me off food. And I love doing that, you know, for my friends when they have, I've had babies. I love, it's like, I love cooking though.
Monique: And you know, if you're not a good, if you're listening to this and you have someone that you know you love that's pregnant and they're about to have a baby, and you cannot cook for the life of you, like, don't worry, like even a, um, You know, meal, there's so many incredible meal, um, delivery services [00:31:00] out and about now that actually specialize in postpartum food.
Monique: So instead of buying flowers and spending 60, $80, like get them a voucher for that, or a cleaner, you know, a voucher for, or like organize a cleaner, like things that you know that are really gonna take the load off are just so much. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I feel so bad looking back before I had babies and I would go and visit friends and I would take them clothes for the, yeah.
Monique: I. Yeah. So it's not like about making anyone feel guilty if they haven't done this before, because you really don't know until you get [00:31:30] through it. No, but it is, yeah, absolutely. You just feel so loved. Um, so yeah, definitely. It makes
Fiona Weaver: such a difference. Yeah. So food organization, do you wanna explain to people who dunno about meal trains, how they work?
Monique: Yeah. So it's so easy. So you can set it up yourself, have your partner set it up, or a friend. Um, the one that I like to use, it's just meal train.com and it's, they've been used for. They're not, they're nothing new. They're being used for a long, long time. Um, it's not just for, you know, postpartum [00:32:00] either people use it for if they've had surgery or, um, things like that.
Monique: But it's basically a way that you can schedule meals really easily, um, with friends and family, so you're not getting 10 meals in that one day. And you can also put like your prep food preferences. It's kind of just like a calendar. You go in, you choose a day that suits you. So just say I was organizing it, or I I wanted to drop you off a meal fee.
Monique: I'd go in, I'd have a little read about any dietary requirements or allergies that you have. Um, you can even put foods [00:32:30] that you love in there, like if you love lasagna, um, and then you lasagna. Yeah, you can just pop down. You can put your name, the date and the time and what you're gonna be cooking them.
Monique: So, If someone else jumps in, they'll be like, okay, great. Mom's dropping fee off for lasagna on Monday, so I won't make her another lasagna. I might do like a curry and I'll drop that off on the Wednesday. Um, so you can kind of, it's all scheduled so there's no food waste and you also know you can jump in and see what you are being delivered that day.
Monique: Um, so your partner doesn't go [00:33:00] anything. Yeah, it's so good. And you know, if you have like 20 people that wanna help you, that's like 20 meals.
Fiona Weaver: And if all meals probably have leftovers, absolutely. That could,
Monique: yeah. A lot of it's free look after, so if, you know, you don't get through it and check it in the freezer, but, um, yeah.
Monique: Yeah. And I think another, you know, another thing I'll be doing is just having those conversations with my partner about, um, yeah, like what, what I want, how I want it to look this time around. Like, I do want a lot more rest. So [00:33:30] can you be, you know, on top of the duty, can you drop him to daycare and pick him up?
Monique: Um, You know, in the middle of the night, like, how's that gonna look like? Am I, you know, I think what we're gonna be doing, because my toddler still wakes up in the night, he'll probably be in the spare room for a little while, be a little bit of like divide and conquer. He'll go into the spare room and wake up Archie and I'll just have the newborn in with me.
Monique: But, you know, if there's some nights where I'm absolutely exhausted, like, can we swap out, you know, like just having those conversations before, um, so that it's not like [00:34:00] a bit huge shock to the system when we have two little
Fiona Weaver: ones to. Yeah, I've been noticing lately because I am 32 weeks now, I'm a week behind you.
Fiona Weaver: But the shift in my mindset has really started to come in. Like I am really starting to think about systems and processes in my business. Um, and in my home as well. I'm trying to get my husband on board with like, okay, noticing that the washing, for example, is all on me and I can't keep up. It's never ends.
Fiona Weaver: And then we're gonna add a third [00:34:30] person. Yes. And so I'm gonna use this time. To work with him on how we can share the load of the washing because it's not working and it's not going to work. Yeah. But I feel like if you really tune into, you know, the changes in your brain, you really notice that these things are starting to shift.
Fiona Weaver: You come coming into this motherhood mindset.
Monique: It's like that mental load, hey, like you realize like you're actually doing, also having the conversations like if they are gonna commit to doing. The daycare drop off. It's [00:35:00] like, well, like for example, if, if my partner ever takes my son to daycare, like I still pack the lunch, I still make sure the bag's packed and everything's ready to go.
Monique: It's like, well, if you are gonna do the whole job, do the whole whole job. Do the whole, yeah. You're like, you are on daycare duty. That includes everything. Includes not texting me when you get there to ask me my pin code again for the 28th time. It's like writing that in the notes of your phone so that you remember.
Monique: Totally. And just like that's your task and you look after all of [00:35:30] that so you're not Yeah. Otherwise your head's just in, so you just have so many, um, tabs open in your brain space and Yeah. It's takes you away from where you need to be. A hundred percent. Yeah. Yeah.
Fiona Weaver: So if, if somebody was going to, um, do a postpartum planning session, can they do that just as a once off with a postpartum doula like yourself?
Fiona Weaver: Um, or is it just part of a package of having a do.
Monique: Yeah, so everyone works a little bit differently. Um, I, cause I, obviously [00:36:00] I've got the clinic, so I do offer here postpartum planning sessions just once off. If you don't even wanna have, you know, me as your doula, obviously I'm going into my own maternity leave, so I won't be working actively during that time for a little while.
Monique: Um, but yeah, postpartum planning sessions that they can definitely be a one-off thing. It just depends. Um, everyone, I guess every doula out there is a bit different. They have different, um, They have a little bit of a different toolkit. Some, yeah. Really specialize in more of the food. Some specialize more in like the touch, [00:36:30] so they might, um, be a massage therapist as well.
Monique: And um, or have, they might have a yoni steam, um, and like they might do closing of the bone ceremony. Everyone looks very different, so I think it's figuring out what you feel like you need the most and then finding someone, I guess. That kind of works with you. And also if you are listening to this and you're not in Brisbane or um, in like Gold Coast where you are the, um, Layla from Village from and recently put up a like postpartum doula directory on [00:37:00] her Instagram so you can actually go on and she's done.
Monique: It's amazing. She's done all the different states in Australia. So you can, um, find the partum do in the era because it can, can sometimes be hard to find someone close to you. So I love that. So you're, if you are. Yeah.
Fiona Weaver: And tell us about the course that has launched today. Yeah, literally this morning. Yeah.
Fiona Weaver: So
Monique: yeah, so it is a postpartum preparation course. So I've teamed up with five, um, other postpartum professionals [00:37:30] including ufi. So you are the, um, like, I guess holistic sleep expert within it. And I've got a I B C L C, so lactation consultant. I have a psychologist, a. Postpartum nutritionist and myself, and it is, oh, and there's also a bonus module, which is an eight week postnatal Pilates course, um, to help you get back into exercise when you're ready.
Monique: There's over 40 videos within the course. So it's [00:38:00] all done through Kajabi. So you can watch it via an app on your phone, and it's just all educational based. So you go through, you know, um, what is normal, um, infant biological sleep go through myths and misconceptions of baby sleep. So you, cuz yeah. I don't know about you or you're in that industry, so I'm, I'm sure beforehand you would've been like, what is going on after you had a baby with their sleep?
Monique: Like, I. We spent so much time Googling it stressed me out. The sleep and the breastfeeding were the two things that me bit bonkers [00:38:30] postpartum, so, oh gosh. Having the education there, like via app on your phone, you can come back and re-watch the videos. It's over 25 breastfeeding education videos. And Rachel's incredible.
Monique: She's been a I B C L C for like 13 years. She also volunteers for, um, the aba. So she's seen like every compli, basically every complex case. You know, a mother's gone through. And there's everything from like mastitis, um, positioning and attachment, what to do with Express Milk. Um, And then we've got, [00:39:00] yeah, there's so much in the breastfeeding module.
Monique: And then Ash, our psychologist here at the clinic, she goes through relationship changes, mother's mental load, baby blues, when it may not be baby blues anymore, and when you know where to seek help if you need to. And then our nutritionist, Chelsea, goes through. Everything you need to know, like postpartum nutrition, supplements, you know, the best foods to be eating to help nourish your body.
Monique: Um, what to actually ask for for your six week blood test after birth, and why it's so important [00:39:30] Because we do see a lot of women in the clinic, they don't put themselves first in that, like during that time. And it's so important if your, you know, nutrient status is really low. You can feel more anxious, you can feel more sleep deprived.
Monique: And we know that supplements during breastfeeding is actually more important than when you're pregnant. So your nutrient, um, requirements, a lot of women stop taking a prenatal after they have a baby, but you actually need it more than when you were pregnant. So all that sort of information. And then there's like a private Facebook group, um, [00:40:00] which will have you.
Monique: Other women that are going through, um, pregnancy and postpartum as well. But yeah, I just thought there's like nothing else like it out there and I just, you know, was like, wow, this resource would be incredible for anyone about to embark on that journey if they want, you know, a more easeful transition into motherhood.
Monique: Um, and it's something that I really wish that I had. Um, yeah, me too. I've arrived. So, so yeah, it's launched today. It
Fiona Weaver: sounds amazing. I'm excited for you and we'll include any links [00:40:30] to. Um, a course and I, I have a code as
Monique: well, don't I, so Mamas, I'm pretty sure. Yeah. Yeah. So
Fiona Weaver: we'll put all of that in the show notes and where can people find you otherwise?
Fiona Weaver: Yeah,
Monique: so, um, my personal Instagram is just Monique underscore postpartum doula, and our clinic is May Mothers dot Collective, which is m a i A on Instagram. So that's where I am the most.
Fiona Weaver: Beautiful. Well, thank you so much for your time again. [00:41:00] I have really loved this chat with you and I'm really looking forward to connecting with you over our babies.
Fiona Weaver: I know we're
Monique: gonna soak. Yeah.
Fiona Weaver: Thank you, Monique.
