Archer’s ENT story (guest post)
I still remember when it all turned to shit. It was the 8th of May and my first mother’s days. Archer was just two months old and slept through the night for the first time, 8pm - 5am. Typical because it was Ryan’s night to get up but I was stoked and started planning what I would do with all my spare time now that I got a full night sleep. I went to bed that night super stoked and ready for a good night’s sleep. Yep that was the last time Archer did that. From that day on I was up every 1.5hours like clockwork.
It literally hit me like a bus - I had no clue what was going on. Seriously, what the fuck had happened to my life. I was tired all the time, my mental health was deteriorating and I felt like I got no sleep. At all. I went from having the cruisiest newborn to having a baby who would only sleep on me and seemed like he was teething at the age of 11 weeks! I can’t tell you how many times I took him to the doctors to be told I had to just put up with it and there was nothing I could do. His breathing was constantly crackling and rattling, it seemed like he was drowning in snot, he was always tugging at his ears and he chewed on everything. It seemed like he was so full of snot we needed a vacuum to get it all out, to the point where he would choke on it then throw up. Seven doctor’s visits later and we took him to our clinics after hours service. It was initially suspected croup, but he had two severely infected ears. No one had checked his ears until this point and I’m pretty sure I cried when we got home. At this stage we hadn’t put two and two together, that this had been going on for almost his whole life. I was told this was “normal” so I started researching ways I could help him sleep, tried sleep training (for a minute because I literally couldn’t let him cry without me), co-slept, slept with him in my arms while I binged Keeping up with the Kardashians and read almost every sleep guide imaginable.
When I would hear people asking what they should do when their child woke up once or twice during the night like it was the worst thing in the world, I would see red. What I wouldn’t have done to have a sleep that wasn’t interrupted every 1.5 hours, actually more like 45 minutes by the time I finally got back to sleep. What I wouldn’t have done to have a baby that slept more than 45 minutes during the day and slept in their own cot. My first thought would be “shut the fuck up”, then I would think “what the fuck did I do to deserve this” mixed with “why does this kid hate me” (I know he doesn’t hate me FYI).
I love Archer with all my heart but things were so bad I remember thinking I just want to be admitted to hospital so I can have a break away from him. I want my husband to know what I’m going through and what it feels like to be in this body.
I’m so lucky to have the support system I do but I felt like I was failing. Failing everyone. Especially Archer and Ryan. I felt like I was a shit mum and quite often (and still do) said that to Ryan. I couldn’t “fix” my child and to be honest I still can’t.
Fifteen ear infections later and even more different antibiotics, we know exactly what to look for and how we can help him. Now the only clue we have is that he plays with his ear, he’s so accustomed to them. Looking back, he’s had this issue almost since he was born. We’re not sure if his birth contributed to this - we had an emergency c-section where he had pooed in-utero, took 14 minutes to resuscitate, pneumothorax (holes in his lungs), low blood sugar, acidic blood and Hyaline Membrane Disease.
These are the signs we noticed he would show whenever he had one and had been showing since 9 weeks of age:
Pulling at ears
Waking up every time we put him down, no matter how deep he was asleep
Seemed like he was drowning in snot and coughed up big green phlegm
His chest was always rattling, and it seemed like he couldn’t breathe properly
Only slept for 45 minutes during the day and 1.5 hours overnight, at a time
We took Archer to see an ENT Surgeon where, 10 minutes after meeting Dr Wong, we found out his ears were full of fluid and were scheduled to have grommets inserted and his adenoids taken out on May 4th. COVID-19 soon got in the way of that. I was devastated and heartbroken and it took a massive toll on my mental health. Archer was and still is sometimes miserable and in pain. Nurofen and Panadol don’t have the effect they used to anymore. He struggles with loud noises but also can’t hear properly. Then when it was announced children under 18 were now able to be operated on, I was elated. Finally, we would get him fixed but we soon found out that the hospitals weren’t allowing ENT surgery as they are “high risk” so we have no idea how long until Archer will have some relief. But literally, our Doctors have been AMAZING throughout this and have supported us in every way they can (Renee, if you’re reading this, you’re the real MVP).For now, we just need to persist with our coping strategies:
Arch sleeps with the head of his bed raised
Making sure he’s warm when he’s asleep
Rubbing Vick’s around his ears
Panadol and Nurofen
Essential oils - Easy Air and Cedarwood are lifesavers
Comforting him when he needs it
Magnesium on the soles of his feet for calming
After my horrific pregnancy, a traumatic birth and a really rough start to life, I constantly think of how unfair Archer’s life has been so far. Even though what he’s been through has been torture, I learnt what type of parent I am. I am all about being responsive to his needs and supporting him through whatever he’s going through. I want him to always know I’m here for him and to feel safe and supported around his parents. I also learnt, from the second he was born, the inner strength I have and that my intuition is always right. I could write a whole other blog post on this, but let’s say for now, I act as Archer’s advocate and always following my gut instincts because that’s where he was created.
I’ve also learnt that the expectations society teaches us around sleep and babies is so far off. I fully expected that he would sleep the same every night, that I would have enough energy to go to the gym before he woke up and that he would always just want to sleep in his cot. It wasn’t until I started relating his behaviours to my preferences and how I like to do things, that I had my ah-ha moment and finally understood my style of parenting. Once I embraced this, boy did things changed. He started to sleep better, even when he had ear infections. We developed a beautiful bond and I was able to understand him SO much better and relate to what he was and is going through. But maybe the biggest lesson I learnt was to block unhelpful influences out and focus on our journey and what works for us. It also helps that Arch is a bloody trooper and takes everything in his stride. Except being told he can’t go outside, that causes a meltdown.
I’m so glad I discovered gentle and responsive parenting through this journey because it’s taught me so much about myself and allowed me to forge a beautiful bond with my son and also my husband. I’m more patient and I trust the process of life more than I used to.
Do you need support with your baby’s sleep? Do you need some advice and education around what is normal, and when to seek help? My work is based on the importance of being sensitively attuned to our babies needs and prioritising connection. It’s always about so much more than sleep. I am here to help you to tap into that super powerful maternal wisdom, and parent from the heart.
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By Paige Arthurson.
Find her at paige@pabusiness.com.au or on insta @paigeyella
