Postpartum Planning with Monique, Postpartum Doula and co-founder of Maia Mothers Collective
Today we chat with Monique, Postpartum Doula and co-founder of Maia Mothers Collective in Brisbane, QLD. Monique walks us through a postpartum planning exercise including a bunch of practical, helpful tricks to help us to feel nurtured, empowered and solid in our postpartum experience.
We chat about:- Our own postpartum experiences and the impact of lack of boundaries- How to navigate tricky situations like guests staying too long- How to have hard conversations and hold boundaries- Confinement periods in postpartum and what this can look like- Helping your partner and your village to help you- Utilising your village - meal trains, housework etc
There's so much gold in this episode - feel free to share with anyone in your life expecting a baby!
Monique has today launched her incredible new online course (in which I feature as the sleep expert!) Postpartum Embodied. You can check it out here: https://www.maiamothers.com.au/postpartumembodiedcourse
Use code MAMAMATTERS for 5% off!
Hey Mama, I have a Sleep Guide for you! For birth to 18 months, this guide is steeped in evidence and laced with compassion. And you can download the first chapter absolutely free HERE.
Are we Insta pals? If not, why not? Come and hang out at @mamamatters.au!
As always, thanks for being here- if you enjoy this poddy I would LOVE if you could give a rating and a review. It means the world to me.
xx
TRANSCRIPT
Fiona Weaver 00:05
Hello love and welcome to the mama chatters podcast. If you're keen to ditch all of the parenting shoulds and want to uncomplicate sleep and parenting, you are in the right place. I'm your host, Fiona Weaver, founder of mama matters and through honest chats with experts and each other, will help you to cut through all of the noise and to love the heck out of your imperfect and authentic parenting. Wherever and whoever you are. You belong here. Now, let's have a chat
Fiona Weaver 00:41
Hello, my love's I hope you are well, I am coming to you with a chat with Monique a postpartum doula and a co founder of my mother's collective in Brisbane. This was such a great chat, not just for me because of where I am at in my pregnancy and thinking about my postpartum experience this time. But it was also really helpful to debrief on previous postpartum experiences and thinking about how we can do things differently. Monique walks us through a really practical way to think about what we want postpartum to look like she essentially takes us through a postpartum planning session what we need to chat with our partners about how we can build our own village and set ourselves up to have you know, boundaries that work for us and things like that. So it is a really wonderful chat, I know that you are going to get so much out of it if you are expecting. And please feel free to send it to anybody else who is having a baby in the near future as well. Enjoy. Good morning, Monique, thank you so much for joining me today. I'm so grateful for your time again, because we are recording today. After we had a little technical glitch the other day. So I want to say thank you for giving me another hour of your time. That's so fun. I'm excited to do it again. And we can have another little chat. Yeah, maybe we bless gas bagging this time. So you are a postpartum doula, among other things like the co founder of my mother's collective in Brisbane, but can you introduce yourself and let us know who's in your family and how you came to do this work?
Monique 02:17
Yeah, for sure. So I am a mama of a little boy, who's two and two months, currently pregnant with my second bulk very close to you be. And I have a husband Ryan, we've been together for nearly two decades, which is why and yeah, live in Brisbane, founded alongside my business partner, my mother's collective 18 months ago. So we're our women's health clinic. Here in Brisbane. We do offer telehealth, though, and we have that nine different modalities. So we support the woman through preconception pregnancy and postpartum. And I didn't always do this work. It's actually in the beauty industry for many years. And then I kind of had my own health challenges for many, many years, which kind of led me into the world of like holistic health. So after I had Archie, I, obviously, when you have a baby world's turned upside down and your priorities shift, and I guess, yeah, the whole trajectory of what I wanted to do changed and rewind, you know, back 18 months ago, he was five months old, and we opened the clinic and it was a wild time. But here we are. So I truly don't think I would have yet opened the clinic and become a postpartum doula. If I didn't go through all my own health challenges. That's sort of what got me to where I am so kind of grateful for that. Yeah. Amazing. I cannot believe you opened a whole clinic when your baby was five months old, because Emma was in the same season as well. Wasn't she your co founder? Yeah, so she was a month, um, her little girl was four weeks behind. So
Monique 03:56
it's sort of set it to happen. Oh, very quick, and lots of voice messaging and to kind of get it up and running. And it all just sort of happened for us. To be honest. I feel like there's not really many hiccups getting it up and running. So we're like, oh, this is obviously meant to be so
Fiona Weaver 04:13
is it? Is there a way that you make sense of that from your postpartum doula perspective, that sort of drive and energy shift postpartum? Like, is there something in that?
Monique 04:25
Yeah, I think I realized how much support mothers need after their baby arrives because obviously I've just gone through it. And I didn't prepare as well as I am going to be preparing this time. But yeah, I think Emma and I were both just having this conversation of like, oh my goodness, like there's not we you need all of these people like you need your like your village after you have a baby and you know, I was got you know, I was seeing a Cairo and things like that, but they were all sort of spread out. And the thought of having like a one stop shop to support the mother, you know, through everything from India. Fertility to get preconception pregnancy postpartum. With really beautiful offerings like acupuncture naturopathy. And just having, you know, these experts on the one place we will like, there's nothing else like it. And we felt like it was really needed. So that's sort of Yeah, how it was birthed, I guess. Yeah. Right.
Fiona Weaver 05:17
So when you speak about your health challenges, do you want to share any thing about that? Because I know that it's quite interesting the way that you did fall pregnant in the end. Yeah, kind of writes part of your story.
Monique 05:33
Yeah, um, so I was working on, I guess, the ad industry where I was very burnt out, managing staff. And I actually didn't have a period for a really long time. I was quite underweight. And yeah, I didn't have a cycle for nine years, I had lots of gut issues going on, as well. So after my husband, and I got married, I really wanted to fall pregnant. But when you don't have a period, you can't even like start trying, you know,
Fiona Weaver 06:00
what did they What did any doctors or health professionals say about you not having a cycle for that long.
Monique 06:06
So it's like, I guess the title is defined hypothermic. amenorrhea, which is an absolute tongue twister, but it's, it's kind of like they say it can be caused by many different factors. So low body weight, it can be caused by stress or high cortisol. I did do like a Dutch test, which is like, you know, the Rolls Royce of hormonal tests, and my cortisol was through the roof. So when your cortisol is really high, your progesterone and all your other hormones can be quite low, which in my case was so I didn't even have any endometrial lining to be able to even if I wanted to go down the IVF route, I didn't have any lining. So I would have had to been on a lot of medication. And I wanted to I knew that there was a root cause as to why this was happening. So I really wanted to get to that it took me many, many years of fixing my guts, I had leaky gut SIBO I found that I was celiac. But it was yeah, it was hard because I sort of started out more down, I guess, the medical route. And then after I didn't get any help from anyone, and just got told to get back on the pill to get a you know, synthetic cycle. I then, you know, sounded like a naturopath and sort of started that. But yeah, it does. When you when you've been in that cycle for so long. It's not like you're gonna get fixed in a week. So you have to be patient and yeah, had to do many tests and spend a lot of money.
Fiona Weaver 07:25
How long did it take for you to get a cycle back after you found out that you were celiac?
Monique 07:30
And my feeling thing was that a year so it wasn't actually to found that out really, like late in my, I guess, health journey, but I was actually avoiding gluten anyway, because I knew it didn't sit right. But I was still getting traces, I think because I wasn't I didn't have a diagnosis.
Fiona Weaver 07:47
Yeah, celiac is pretty cut and dry. Hey, like you just yeah, things like
Monique 07:51
sauces and stuff that you wouldn't even think. Yeah, like, it's in mayonnaise. It's in heaps of things. So yeah, after that, and then I really helped to rebuild my gut lining. I think SIBO back then as well, like no one knew what SIBO was which now it's like a lot of people have it and they are getting diagnosed. So it's a lot more well known and likely. Oh, so small intestinal bacterial overgrowth. So that's where you have too much bacteria in your small intestine when it's no that's not supposed to be there. So it can cause heaps of issues. And had like low like stomach acid so as I'm breaking down my food and because I was so stressed in this high cortisol like I wasn't actually digesting my food properly yet. There was so much to it but once I um, yeah, got onto like some really good supplements and great food plan. Yeah, I ended up getting my period back which was the best way obviously, having a baby then, you know, Trump's that but I was like, so happy because I you know, it can be quite isolating when all of your friends are going through, you know, like, their like ups and downs or their hormones and you just kind of feel like a little girl because you're like, oh, I don't have any. I don't know when I'm ovulating. I don't like why wasn't ovulating but yeah, your mood just sort of doesn't change and so now I really like honor that I did a lot of cycle thinking and yeah, I got my period back. I think we spoke about this in the last one four months after she was born which I was very surprised about but I think pregnancy definitely reject all of that for me, which is really good. So and then we fell pregnant easily second time around as well. So yeah, super blessed.
Fiona Weaver 09:29
Yeah, yeah. You mentioned that you felt like there wasn't enough support for your postpartum experience the first time and this time you're going to be doing a lot more planning and doing things differently so what is that going to look like for you? Yes, I
Monique 09:42
think first time around I planned a lot for the birth like a really researched you know my rights and what I wanted my birth to look like and plan all of that. And then I sort of in terms of when the baby arrived i i focused more on like all the things I thought I would need like the material things you know, had the baby right to stray and I didn't really think about, you know, what boundaries am I going to put in place with family and friends, I didn't even think to have a conversation with my husband about what it's kind of kind of, you know, like, you speak about baby names and all those things, but you don't actually think about the logistics. And the most little things like who's gonna be taking the pin out who's going to be looking after getting the groceries if we need more toilet paper, like, such little things that can actually cause you know, when you're sleep deprived issues. And I really thought that, you know, breastfeeding would come easily, it didn't really do any breastfeeding, kind of, I guess, research or planning. Because I thought I'll, you know, be natural, but actually had a tongue tie. So the first few weeks, were really hard because it was every time he'd latch it would like be the most intense pain like, I might not, this is not right. Like, it was like the stinging pain throughout my whole nipple, not just like it was more on top of my nipple, like he wasn't latching fully. But I just kept persisting, you know, the bleeding cracked nipples. And yet, it didn't have any boundaries in place. We had visitors at the hospital, like day two we spoke about last time, and I was in tears, because I'm like, I don't, I don't want anyone in my space. I just want to be with my baby. I want to learn how to breastfeed. And, yeah, this time around, I'll be doing a lot more, I guess, to focus on myself and what I need, because we know, all the baby needs is like a nourished mother, right? It's like we focus so much on the baby. But if we can focus more on the mother, if we can shift that mentality and make sure that she is really well nourished and nurtured, that baby will thrive. They don't need all the things they need a warm space and need to be fed often held often, you know, yeah, yeah. But it's
Fiona Weaver 11:47
so hard to buy the first time around how you are going to like how your mind shifts immediately, like leading up to the birth, I thought I was so chill. I'd have everyone come up to the hospital, like yeah, you're fine and come up for a cuddle, just really naive. But then I think I told you this story last time as well. But with my firstborn, I had the retained placenta afterwards. So we had a lovely birth. And then my placenta got stuck. And I needed to be separated from him and go into surgery. In that time. When I was in surgery, my my mum came which was fine. My mother in law, father in law, brother in law, Sister in law, friends times to my husband's now and granddad all came in into the birth suite and passed the baby around. And they were all there while he had his first needle, his first way, his first change of clothes, all of that I was in surgery. And then I came back to maternity ward, they were supposed to take me back to birth suite. And I was stuck there couldn't move my legs because they'd given me an epidural or spinal block or something to get the placenta out. And I couldn't contact anyone. And I was like, I don't know where my baby is. And everyone else has just been passing him around. And I just felt really sad and scared and resentful about that. But I wasn't to know that before I was in that situation. So I think that I think there's something like you know, support like yours having a doula to say, I know you might think this now that you might like everyone around you, but this is what might happen. This is what the shift could look like. And this is how we protect you.
Monique 13:30
Yeah, I think I definitely felt when I had those you know, visitors in the corridor downstairs, I definitely felt like selfish for not a Makino that's, they just want to make the baby, they just want to hold the baby and you kind of feel like this selfishness. But looking back now I'm like, No, that is such an integral time to have like the skin to skin and to get to, you know, your babies learning, you know, your natural pheromones and your smell. And yeah, I think you don't know what you don't know at the time. But that's why I'm so passionate. Yeah, I love you know, being a postpartum doula. And then this course that I've launched, which we'll talk about later, but trying to get, you know, I guess women to understand the importance of not just planning for your birth, but planning because birth is just the starting point. Right. It's not the finish line. And I think that's the mentality a lot of people they're like, Yep, great, I'll just get through the birth and then we'll just wing The rest will be fine. But getting into that mentality of yeah, having a postpartum planning session and doing you know, of course, like my mind, to really get educated on the things that are important because, you know, at the end of the day, what Prime you have, what baby care you have, all that stuff is so not important. stuff apart from depression, you know, which, you know, affects so many women and some men so yeah, I think just trying to shift the focus and actually put up a post on our page the other day that went crazy. Everyone was like agreeing with it, it was, you know, it was like, This is how much it would cost for postpartum preparation course. And then we spent You know, $400 on a fancy dinner and drinks on a night out, we spent $1,200 on a baby married and 40 grand on our wedding. And it's like this couple of $100 to plan your postpartum you know, with an expert is just so invaluable. Like, but you, I think people just do not realize until they've been through it. That's but that's my life. You know, I'm so passionate about trying to change that narrative. And yeah, helped women prepare before.
Fiona Weaver 15:25
Yeah, we're here. So what would a postpartum planning session involve? What would that look like?
Monique 15:33
Yeah, so I think, lots of questions. So, and this is like, in my course, I've got like a little bit of a journal that you can sit down with, like question prompts, that you can, you know, sit down and do on your own or with your partner, but, you know, questions like getting your systems and supports in place. So who do you feel safest around asking yourself? Who do I want that and those really early days, because if someone triggers you, you know, during your pregnancy or prior, they're probably going to trigger you, during your postpartum when you're feeling really, you know, vulnerable and sleep deprived. So think about, you know, who do you want in your space post birth. Also thinking about how you can protect your oxytocin because we know, you know, obviously, Tosun is the love hormone that got like the cuddle chemical responsible for, you know, bonding with your baby, helping, you know, with breastfeeding, it also helps you become okay with really like monotonous boring tasks, which, you know, the newborn stage can be quite repetitive, you're doing the same thing day in and day out. So oxytocin helps with that. And, you know, if you're stressed, we know, if you're stressed your oxytocin goes down. So how, you know, writing things down, like what, what really makes me feel like, like peace and joy, and calm and grounded. So, you know, did trackers, you know, just tracking things make you feel really anxious? Like, you know, what a baby tracking app for like their sleep and things like that? Would that make you feel, you know, more anxious than then joyful? No, just taking a nice warm bath, make you feel joyful, that there's so many things that you can kind of go okay, I know, this is gonna make me feel irritated or anxious. And these are the things that I know will help me feel grounded, you know, is I know for me, if there's mess and and things around, it can make you feel really anxious. So having potentially, you know, investing in a cleaner fortnightly? Or if you know, there are people that want to help, you know, mother and mother in laws and things like saying, Yeah, well, can you come around and help me, you know, with the house or having having those conversations with your partner? I think also thinking about, you know, who will you turn to for support, if things don't go to plan, who can help you if you have other children, who can help you walk the dog, like all the little tasks that you're not sure how they're going to get done? Once baby arrives. And we spoke about in the last podcast, like having a list on your fridge is a really great way. When people do come over and say, How can I help you? What do you need? Just you can get them to refer to the list on the fridge? Like there's a lot of things that I've got in your mind.
Fiona Weaver 18:03
Yeah, and that that also externalizes for somebody who does have difficulty asking for or accepting help. Like there's such a big shift in in motherhood, where you if you are a people pleaser, a good girl, all of that social and cultural conditioning that follows us through life. It can be really hard to suddenly have boundaries and to be able to assert our own needs. So having things like that, that take that, that that middle side the middleman, isn't it? Like, yeah, have a look at the fridge rather than me saying can you please do my washing for me because if that feels really uncomfortable, that's a safer way of approaching that.
Monique 18:42
I think then it gives them the opportunity to choose something that suits your relationship with if you need to find more maternity pads, like your uncle Bob might not be the one that's gonna do that. But he might might wash your put a load of washing on Oh, yeah, yeah. But the ball in their court. And then also having like your health professionals that you may or may not need in check prior. So things that you might need, you know, you might need a Clara for your baby, if your birth is, you know, like mine over 24 hours, she was in like a bit of a squished position for a while. So I sort of had that lined up which I was so grateful for. I took him two weeks after and he did need it, having a lactation consultant which I did not have and I that was my biggest regret. Having you know, a lactation consultant in check just in case you need it. You know, if you aren't happy with your GP, like it's a really great time to try to find another you know, GP while you're pregnant that you get on really well with and you can use POST birth thinking like, you know, how can I make sure I'm really well nourished and well fed because that we know, you get very hungry breastfeeding and food is life once baby arrives. So you know, can I have a friend set me up a meal train? Can I do some food prep before baby arrives so planning that out and Um, and then also like, How can my partner make me feel rested and recharged? So having those conversations with them prior? What are they going to take over? You know, how long are they going to have off work? If they can only have a week or two weeks off? Well, you know, what support can you call upon after that time, so it's postpartum planning is really just about, and it looks different for everyone, but asking these questions and getting clear. So you're going into it with like, Okay, I've got a plan in place, and my closest loved ones know about this plan. So, yeah,
Fiona Weaver 20:30
and we talked a little bit about boundaries last time, can we touch on that, and what those boundaries in postpartum might look like? Yeah, so
Monique 20:39
boundaries can be, you know, pretty high, especially first time around, I think, as a society where, you know, we're not like, used to asking for help. And some people due to, you know, like childhood beliefs or things that, you know, they've gone through, they really struggle, and they just want to, you know, have it all together, quote, unquote. But when you become a mother, I think yet there really is no room for people pleasing, and you do have to choose what's right for you and your family. So, a few ideas, my probably my first one would be before baby arrives to send out a group text message. So to the people that you know, we're gonna be like, when's the baby coming? Where has the baby arrived yet? Like, really close friend room in the hospital? Yes. Can I call when you have had the baby. Um, so sending out a group message. So that could look like, you know, as we excitingly approached, you know, the arrival of our baby, we've decided to let you know, once baby has arrived here and his group message that so sorry, I'm at the clinic, I don't know if you can hear there's a bug out in the foyer. Yeah, that's going for pointment with Mr. I'm sorry, get you know, saying you know, we're really excited for the baby to arrive. But we're going to let you know here and this group message when baby has arrived in our own time. You know, as you can imagine, in those first couple of weeks, just say to me, mon will be recovering, you know, physically learning to feed a new human. And together we'll be discovering, you know, what this sort of baby's like. So, we will let you know when we are ready for the visit. And then you can put some requests in the message, you know, on your first visit, we've just really liked to ask you, if you could stay no longer than 45 minutes. Please don't wear any perfume, if that's something that you don't want them to do. Also, if you're feeling the slightest bit unwell, please reschedule, you know, you can always find another time, because it's not worth the risk of having someone come into your space that's even got a mild cough, you know, no, with a newborn. And you know, if you would like to help in any way, we have set up a meal train, here's the link. This is like moms requests you would really love. We don't want flowers. We don't need any more onesies with you know, love food. So if you do want to help, here's the link, you know, and we really like, we really appreciate your support with us bringing a baby into the new that into the world. So I love message I like
Fiona Weaver 22:57
I love getting ahead on it all and laying it out. But I also love the idea that you're putting it into a group so nobody feels attacked.
Monique 23:04
Exactly. It's not like you're saying it's one person. It's this is like, you know, even your mom and your like cousins, so they all feel Yeah, if you do worry about them. Yeah, because everyone's family dynamics are so different, you know? Yeah, a little tip would be to have a sign on the door. So I know in the village for Mama recipe book, She's incredible. She has like a sign that you can pop, you can either it's like it's back to front. So one side says, Thank you so much for your meal delivery today. Because it is based on them dropping you off meal, she has like recipe cards, you can hand out. We aren't up for visitors today. And then the other side says, Yeah, we're like, happy to see you today, please, text us or knock quietly. So having those boundaries. So you know, if you have any neighbors or people that you know, may unexpectedly drop in, you can have that sign on the door so they can leave whatever they've brought over at the door. And then another one was worked out as well. fee was the code word which I love. Ya have having a card word with your husband. So that could be something really random, like oranges. And you could sort of say, Hey, babe, did you pick up the orange on the way home from work? But that he knows Okay, yep, she's done. She's tapped out. She doesn't want these visitors here anymore. Or it could be you know, could be something like, I'm just gonna go have a little lay down in the room. And then he could you know, he or she could be like, Yeah, cool. She's, she's done. So I think the important thing is to have your partner be your gatekeeper. It's not your responsibility when you're feeding and feeling, you know, vulnerable to have to ask guests to leave. So having that conversation prior, so that they can really step up and check in with your energy as well because, yeah, it's easy for people to get taken away like taking weigh in conversation and get excited and their friends or family meeting the bulk but think that there is a few little logical,
Fiona Weaver 25:10
goodbye, all those little practical little tips and tricks are so helpful. Like the lists on the fridge and having the code word with your partner. They're all really helpful when you just don't have the brain space to have hard conversations when you are early postpartum. 100%.
Monique 25:25
And, like, if you're anything like me, I can be a bit of you know, I'm an empath and I do I don't like you know, I don't like anyone in anyone's feelings. So yeah, it'd be a lot better time around. But first time around, I really struggled. And I cried so many times, like lock myself in the room when people over to feed because I just didn't, you know, I didn't. Yeah, Archie has a bit of a distracted feeder as well. So I just didn't, I just didn't have the capacity to be like, Hey, guys, can you please leave on top doubt?
Fiona Weaver 25:53
Yeah, that's totally here. What will you be doing differently this time? Specifically? Like, what what plan do you have?
Monique 26:03
Yep, so I'm actually having a home birth this time with a private midwife. So I'm really excited to have that time post birth with her. So when you know, when I birth, Archie at the hospital, we get like the one follow up visit at the hospital. Whereas this time around, I'll be getting the first six weeks she'll be coming to my house, which I'm really excited about. She's also a lactation consultant. And she's the one actually I found her because she helped me with Archie first time around and picked up on his tongue tight. So I already have that like, you know, close relationship with her. So hopefully, you know, that will feel I feel a lot more supported after birth with feeding and things because you just don't know every baby is so different than breastfeeding. I'm going to be having a mother's blessing this time around as opposed to I guess, like a baby shower with a registry. And I'm not going to be asking for gifts or anything like that. It's more just a way to, I guess, yeah, gather my village and let them know if they want to help. Here's some recipe cards, here's a meal train that my friend is setting up. And yeah, I think just I think it'd be a lot more, it'd be a lot different to a baby shower, I think that they're gonna do a few rituals and things like that, which would be really beautiful. And then I'm going to try to commit to a lack of bit of a confinement period. So we know Western culture does it so differently compared to a lot of places around the world. But you know, the first we know that the first 40 days can set you up for the next 40 years of your life and you have a wound the size of the dinner plate inside you so rest is so important. And I did find don't know about you fee but when I after had Archie if I was kind of horizontal and resting and laying down all day, my bleeding would be a lot better and I just feel I just feel so much better. But when I was up and about and I go I feel good today I might do some cooking or do some stuff, I just wouldn't notice my bleeding would be a lot heavier and just a lot more pain down there. So I'm going to try to commit to 20 days not going anywhere. So resting as much as I can laying in bed. I'm really lucky my husband's got a month off work so he can be on toddler duty. And I definitely still go outside and get sunlight and those things but I'm going to try for 20 days to not you know go on any long car rides or yeah, just sort of be at home and rest and stay as far as like horizontal as much as possible. And then I am setting up a meal train and I've already prepped a whole lot of meals that are popped in the freezer. Which it's really hard not to eat them
Fiona Weaver 28:39
up made I need some inspiration.
Monique 28:42
I'm actually going to film a little video and everything up to send it through but I made it's more or less sweet stuff that I'm just tempted to eat now. I made like kanji I've made some lacks are just really warming easy to digest slow cooked food. Made some I also made some sausage rolls actually.
Fiona Weaver 28:59
I love sausage rolls for one hand and snack. So I know that you know you are
Monique 29:05
Yeah, yeah. Do you feel like that savory. Yeah, they're delicious. Actually the village from America. Okay, they've got their pork and fennel ones on. Next level.
Fiona Weaver 29:14
I remember with my first somebody dropped me off, like a dozen muffins. And I still talk about it to this day, how much that just impacted me and like those muffins are amazing because I would have them by the bed. And I would breastfeed in that time and get really hungry and just have a muffin and I just I loved them. Like I just couldn't believe how impactful a dozen muffins could be on my postpartum experience.
Monique 29:38
100% I love hearing that because yeah, like and I know that mothers don't realize it until they've been through themselves but like how much more do you appreciate that than a bunch of flowers that
Fiona Weaver 29:47
God hated the flowers. I appreciate everybody who got me flowers but I had like six or seven flowers lined up getting smelly making mess. And then I had to quit this job and you
Monique 29:59
got to in the The vases get all crappy now and you've got like this flowerbeds everywhere. Yeah,
Fiona Weaver 30:04
my husband it makes my husband sneeze and I hate listening to him sneeze and sniff all the time.
Monique 30:11
Oh no if they listen to this episode not to get a
Fiona Weaver 30:15
great message please no flowers roses
Monique 30:17
allergic. Yes. Yeah, and I think like food is life and it's so everything beautiful, like, you know, to think that someone's actually spent the time to make you the food and to like package it and drop it off. I don't think it's
Fiona Weaver 30:33
and to not enjoy themselves. I totally agree my friend with when I had Zaarly my second dropped me off like a whole bag of lasagna portions in frozen or, you know, in Frozen portions. And it was just the best thing ever. I had lasagna everyday for the first two weeks, Eric. And I know how I love lasagna, but I hate making it. It just feels like it feels like a big mission. And she did that for me and didn't even get to keep Yeah,
Monique 31:04
I know. It's
Fiona Weaver 31:05
yeah, just feels.
Monique 31:08
I feel very loved. Yeah, I'm trying to make a fair bit of food as well. So that it lasts a month. But then yeah, I'm so welcome to people if they want to drop me on food, and I love doing that, you know, for my friends when they have had babies. I love cooking there. And you know, if you're not a good you for listening to this and you have someone that you love that's pregnant, and they're about to have a baby and you cannot cook for the life of you. Like don't worry, like even like, you know, meal there's so many incredible meal delivery services out and about now that actually specializes in postpartum fruits. So instead of buying flowers and spending 60 $80 Like get them a voucher for that or a cleaner, you know, a voucher for like, organize a clean I think like two things that you know, that are really going to take the load off, or just so yeah, I feel so bad looking back before I had babies and I would go and visit friends. And I would take them clothes for the VA I just sit Yeah. So it's not like about making anyone feel guilty for haven't done this before. Because you really don't know until you know, it is just feel so loved.
Fiona Weaver 32:13
So yeah, definitely makes such a difference.
Monique 32:15
Yeah, so food organization, do
Fiona Weaver 32:16
you want to explain to people who don't know about meal trains how they work? Yeah,
Monique 32:20
so it's so easy. So you can set it up yourself, have your partner set it up or a friend, the one that I like to use, it's just meal train.com. And if they're being used for like, they're not, they're nothing new, they've been used for a long, long time. It's not just for, you know, postpartum II that people use it for if they've had surgery, or things like that. But it's basically a way that you can schedule meals really easily with friends and family. So you're not getting 10 meals in that one day. And you can also put like your prep food preferences. So it's kind of just like a calendar, you go in, you choose a day that suits you. So just say I was organizing it, but I wanted to drop you off in the coffee, I'd go in, I'd have a little read about any dietary requirements or allergies that you have. Um, you can even put foods that you love in there, like if you love lasagna.
Fiona Weaver 33:10
And then you
Monique 33:13
you can just pop down, you can put your name, the date and a time and what you're going to be cooking them. So if someone else jumps in, they'll be like, Okay, great. Mom's dropping fee off a lasagna on Monday. So I won't make her another lasagna, I might do like a curry. And I'll drop that off on the Wednesday. So you can kind of it's all scheduled. So there's no food waste. And you also know you can jump in and see what you're being delivered that day. So your partner isn't going to get any good. Sorry. Good. And you know, if you're only 20 people that want to help you that's like 20 meals.
Fiona Weaver 33:45
And all meals probably have leftovers. Absolutely. That could be a lot of it.
Monique 33:50
Or if you know you don't get through it. Check it in the freezer. But yeah, I think another you know, another thing I'll be doing is just having those conversations with my partner about Yeah, like, what, what I want how I want it to look this time around, like I do want a lot more rest. So can you be you know, on toddler duty, or can you drop him to daycare and pick him up? You know, in the middle of the night like, how's that gonna look like am I you know, I think what we're going to be doing because my toddler still wakes up in the night, he'll probably be in a spare room. For a little while I'll be a little bit of like divide and conquer. He'll go into the spare room and wake up Laci and I'll just have the newborn in with me. But you know, if there's some nights where I'm absolutely exhausted, like, Can we swap out you know, like just having those conversations before so that it's not like a bit huge shock to the system when we have two little ones to shut up.
Fiona Weaver 34:42
Yeah, I've been noticing lately because I am 32 weeks, week behind you. But the shift in my mindset has really started to come in like I am really starting to think about systems and processes in my business. And in my home as well. I'm trying to get my husband on All with like, okay, noticing that the washing, for example is all on me, and I can't keep up. It's never ends. And then we're going to add a third person. Yes. And so I'm going to use this time to work with him on how we can share the load of the washing because it's not working, and it's not going to work. But I feel like if you really tune into, you know, the changes in your brain, you really notice that these things are starting to shift you can we're coming into this motherhood mindset.
Monique 35:29
Mental load, hey, like you realize you're actually doing, also having the conversations like if they are going to commit to doing the daycare drop off, it's like, well, like, for example, if if my partner ever takes my son to daycare, like, I still pack the lunch, I still make sure the bags packed and everything's ready to go. It's like, well, if you're going to do the whole job, do the whole whole job. You're like, you're in daycare duties, that includes everything includes not texting me when you get that or ask me my PIN code again for the 28th time writing that in the notes of your phone. So that's your that's your tasks, and you look after all of that, so you're not otherwise your head's just in so you just have so many tabs open in your brain space.
Fiona Weaver 36:13
And yeah, it takes you away from where you need to be. 100% Yeah. So if somebody was going to do a postpartum planning session, can they do that just as a once off with a postpartum doula like yourself? Or is it just part of a package of having a doula? Yeah, so
Monique 36:33
everyone works a little bit differently. I because I obviously I've got the clinic. So I do offer here postpartum planning sessions just once off if you don't even want to have you know, major doula. Obviously, I'm going into my maternity leave. So I won't be working actively during that time for a little while. But yeah, postpartum planning sessions, they can definitely be a one off thing. It just depends on everyone. I guess every doula out there is a bit different. They have different they have a little bit of a different toolkit some Yeah, really specialize in more of the food some specialize more in like the touch so they might be a massage therapist as well and all Haven't they might have a Yoni steam. And like they might do closing in the bone ceremony, everyone looks very different. So I think it's figuring out what you feel like you need the most. And then finding someone I guess to that kind of works for you. And also if you are listening to this and you're not in Brisbane or in like gold coast, where you are fee Laila from village from recently put up a like postpartum doula directory on her Instagram. So you can actually go on and she's done. It's amazing. She's done all the different states in Australia. So you can find a postpartum doula in the area because it can sometimes be hard to find someone close to you.
Fiona Weaver 37:50
So I love that. So your if you are wondering, yeah, and tell us about the course that has launched today? Yeah.
Monique 37:59
Yeah, so yeah, so it is a postpartum preparation course. So I've teamed up with five other postpartum professionals, including up so you are the like, I guess holistic sleep expert within it. And I've got a ibclc so lactation consultant, I have a psychologist, a postpartum nutritionist and myself. And it is it there's also a bonus module, which is an eight week Postnatal Pilates course, to help you get back into exercise when you're ready, but there's over 40 videos within the course that's all done through Kajabi. So you can watch it via an app on your phone. And it's just all educational based so you go through you know, what is normal infant biological sleep, go through myths and misconceptions of baby sleep so you because yeah, I don't know about you, but we'll share in that industry so I'm sure beforehand you would have been like, what is going on actually had a baby with their sleep like I was spent so much time Googling, it stressed me out the sleep and the breastfeeding were the two things that because postpartum so having the education there, like via an app on your phone, you can come back and re watch the video. This is over 25 Breastfeeding education videos. And Rachel is incredible. She's been a ibclc for like 13 years. She also volunteers for the ABA. So she's seen like every complex basically every complex case, you know, mother's gone through, and there's everything from like mastitis positioning and attachment what to do with express milk. And then we've got yet there's so much in the breastfeeding module and then ash our psychologist here at the clinic she goes through relationship changes mother's mental load, BABY BLUES when it may not be baby blues anymore when you know where to seek help if you need to. And then our nutrition is Chelsea goes through everything you need to know like postpartum nutrition supplements, you know the best food needs to be eating to help nourish your body, what to actually ask for for your six week blood test after birth and why it's so important because we do see a lot of burning the clinic, they don't put themselves first in that, like during that time. And it's so important if your nutrient status is really low, you can feel more anxious, you can feel more sleep deprived. And we know that supplements during breastfeeding is actually more important than when you're pregnant. So you need to read requirements, a lot of women stopped taking a prenatal after they have a baby, but you actually need it more than when you were pregnant. All that sort of information. And then there's like a private Facebook group, which will have, you know, other women that are going through pregnancy and postpartum as well. But yeah, I just thought there's nothing else like it out there. And I just, you know, was like, Wow, this resource would be incredible for anyone about to embark on that journey if they want, you know, and more ease for transition into motherhood. And it's something that I really wish
Fiona Weaver 40:56
that I had. Yeah, me too. I've arrived. So. So yeah, it's lunch today. Sounds amazing. I'm excited for you. And we'll include any links to the course. And I have.
Monique 41:12
So Mom and Dad, it's I'm pretty sure.
Fiona Weaver 41:13
Yeah, so we'll put all of that in the show notes. And where can people find you otherwise?
Monique 41:17
Yeah, so my personal Instagram is just Monique underscore postpartum doula. And our clinic is Mayor mother's dot collective, which is m Ay ay ay ay ay on Instagram. So that's where I'm the most.
Fiona Weaver 41:34
If Cool. Well, thank you so much for your time again. I have really loved this chat with you and I'm really looking forward to connecting with you over our baby.
Monique 41:44
Yeah, together so exciting.
Fiona Weaver 41:47
Thank you, Monique. Thank you so much for listening to mama chatters if you enjoyed this episode. Let's continue the conversation on Instagram at MAMA matters.au. Be sure to share this app with your family and friends. And don't forget if you liked it, please leave a rating and review wherever you get your podcasts. Thank you again and I will see you next time.
